Self-talk: the Doubter and the Competitor
Every athlete has experienced it: the sinking feeling before a big moment, the inner voice whispering, “You’re not ready,” or “Don’t mess this up.” What’s wild is that this same athlete, maybe even seconds later, might also feel something totally different: another voice that says, “Let’s go. You’ve got this.”
This tug-of-war isn’t just random. It's something almost all high performers deal with. Inside your mind, there are basically two personalities shaping your self-talk: one driven by fear and self-protection, and one grounded in confidence and values. The key is learning how to hear both, then deciding which one you want driving your performance.
The Two Voices: Fear vs. Confidence
Voice 1: The Doubter
This voice sounds cautious, but it’s usually rooted in fear. It’s the part of your brain designed to keep you safe. Not just physically safe, but emotionally. It wants to avoid embarrassment, failure, and judgment. So it plays it safe. It says things like:
“If you mess up, everyone will think you’re overrated.”
“You missed your chance. You won’t get another one.”
“What if you’re not good enough?”
“You always do this under pressure.”
This voice can feel loudest in big moments like tryouts, late-game possessions, pressure serves, or penalty shots. It’s not trying to sabotage you. It thinks it’s helping by preparing for the worst. But left unchecked, it makes you play small.
Voice 2: The Competitor
This is the part of you that trains hard, shows up early, and wants to go all-in. It’s fueled by purpose and growth, not fear. This voice doesn’t promise perfection. It just stays committed, even when doubt shows up. It says things like:
“You’ve earned this moment.”
“Even if you fail, you’ll learn something.”
“Trust your training.”
“Pressure is a privilege.”
This voice might not always shout, but it’s there. You just have to make space for it.
Why This Matters
Research in sport psychology shows that the way we talk to ourselves before and during performance can have a major impact on outcomes. It affects focus, emotional regulation, motivation, and even motor control. When athletes get caught in unfiltered negative self-talk, they often become more reactive, more cautious, and less present.
But self-talk isn’t about only thinking positive. That’s a myth. If you try to silence every doubtful thought, you might end up fueling it more.
What actually helps is learning to recognize both voices and then deciding which one you’ll act on.
Real-World Examples
Let’s take a look at a few common thoughts athletes have and how to respond to them, not with fake positivity, but with grounded, confident, or flexible thinking:
Fear-Based Thought / Confident or Willing Response
“What if I mess this up and people judge me?” “They might. But I’d rather compete fully than play scared.”
“I missed my chance earlier. I blew it.” “That moment’s gone. I still have this one.”
“I always choke in big games.” “That’s a story my mind tells. It doesn’t control how I play now.”
“I don’t feel confident today.” “Confidence isn’t a feeling. It’s a decision to show up anyway. I can also play well despite not feeling confident right now.”
“Everyone’s expecting me to dominate.” “Pressure means they believe in me. I have reasons to feel confident.”
How to Work with Self-Talk
Here are a few tools to help you manage the voices in your head:
1. Label the Thought
Instead of getting lost in it, try saying: “I’m noticing the thought that…”
Example: “I’m noticing the thought that I’ll blow this.”
That small shift creates space between you and the thought. Creating space helps take the weight off of the doubter’s thought.
2. Use a Confident Cue
Come up with short, meaningful phrases that help bring you back to your values or focus. These can be words you repeat in training so they become automatic. Examples:
“Trust my training.”
“Compete fully.”
“One play at a time.”
“Breathe. Reset. Go.”
3. Practice Willingness
Instead of trying to eliminate fear or nerves, practice letting them exist without driving your behavior. You might say to yourself:
“I’m willing to feel this if it means I get to grow.”
“It’s okay to be nervous. I’m still going to compete hard.”
“So many other people in this moment are experiencing what I am right now. This is normal and not unique to me. If they can survive it, I can too.”
4. Visualize Both Voices
Before a big moment, imagine the fear voice speaking first. Acknowledge it. Then visualize the confident voice replying. Not with arguments, but with grounded intention. Let that be the one you walk into the arena with.
Final Thought
You’ll always have both voices. One will pull you toward safety. The other will pull you toward growth. You don’t need to silence the fear-based thoughts. You just need to notice them, thank them for trying to help, and then choose to move in the direction of who you want to be.
That’s what real confidence looks like. Not being fearless, but being willing.
