Belonging and Performance Anxiety: Why Athletes Fear Judgment So Deeply
“Belonging is as important to the mind as breathing is to the body.”
For athletes struggling with performance anxiety, the fear of judgment is often more than just nerves before a game. At its core, this fear may stem from something much deeper: the threat of social disconnection. When we talk about performance anxiety, especially in sports, we are often talking about a fear of losing belonging.
The Science of Belonging
Research in psychology has repeatedly shown that social belonging is a fundamental human need. Baumeister and Leary (1995) proposed that the need to belong is a basic drive, rooted in our evolutionary history. In early human societies, rejection could mean isolation from the group, which often meant danger or even death. While today’s athlete is not in physical danger after a poor performance, the brain does not always distinguish between social threat and physical threat. That same deep fear response gets triggered.
This is especially true for athletes in tightly bonded teams, high-stakes environments, competitive youth sports systems, or families where failure means a potential (or real) loss love; identity and community are wrapped up in performance. The threat is not just about losing a game. It is about losing acceptance.
Judgment and the Athlete’s Brain
When an athlete fears judgment, their brain enters a state of threat detection. The amygdala becomes active, scanning for danger. The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making and focus, may get overridden by emotional reactivity. In short, the fear of being judged or failing in front of others hijacks the brain's ability to perform well.
Studies in sport psychology have linked this directly to choking under pressure. Mesagno, Marchant, and Morris (2008) found that athletes who had high levels of self-presentation concerns (the fear of being judged negatively by others) were more prone to choking. They were not just worried about the outcome. They were worried about what failure would say about them, and whether that failure might cost them connection or status.
Performance Anxiety as a Social Problem
For many athletes, performance anxiety is not just a personal issue. It is a social one. The fear is not just internal. It is relational. A missed shot, a slow race, a poor game, can feel like it risks social rejection.
This fear is often reinforced by environments that link worth with performance. Teams that mock mistakes, coaches who bench athletes without explanation, or peer groups that only celebrate wins—all of these can create a culture where belonging feels conditional.
The research of Neff and Germer (2013) on self-compassion is relevant here. They found that individuals who treat themselves with self-kindness during failure are better able to cope with stress and fear. Yet many athletes are taught the opposite: push harder, criticize yourself, don’t let yourself off the hook. Unfortunately, this often leads to more anxiety and less freedom to perform.
Reframing the Threat
So what can be done? Athletes and coaches can begin by understanding that the fear of judgment is not weakness. It is a signal that the brain is trying to protect something important: belonging.
Here are some science-backed strategies that can help:
1. Normalize the fear.
Understand that fearing judgment is a natural response. This reduces shame, which is often the real block to growth. When fear becomes speakable, it becomes manageable.
2. Build unconditional belonging.
Coaches and teammates can make a huge difference by reinforcing that an athlete’s worth is not dependent on performance. Research by Keegan, Spray, Harwood, and Lavallee (2010) highlights the role of supportive coaching in creating a climate that reduces anxiety and improves motivation.
3. Develop self-compassion.
Athletes who respond to mistakes with kindness rather than harsh judgment perform better over time. Neff’s research shows that self-compassion helps regulate emotions and keeps motivation high without triggering shame. Kindness may be a stretch for many of you reading this - if this is difficult and feels inauthentic, try instead to be objective not subjective (unemotional rather than emotional) when evaluating yourself.
4. Hone psychological flexibility.
Using approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), athletes can learn to accept difficult thoughts and feelings rather than fight them. A study by Gross et al. (2018) found that ACT-based interventions improved performance under pressure by reducing the impact of anxiety.
5. Anchor identity beyond sport.
Athletes who see themselves as more than their role on the field or court are less vulnerable to anxiety. If performance does not define the whole self, then mistakes lose their power to threaten belonging. This feeds into the seemingly paradoxical idea of caring more about things outside of your sport to do better in your sport. If you put all of your eggs in the basket of sports, then losing hurts that much worse. When you develop your identity outside of your sport, it means less. Critically, this doesn’t mean you care less. Maybe you train slightly less, but this can lead to managing burnout and, again, decreasing performance anxiety, rather than sabotaging preparation.
Final Thoughts
If you struggle with performance anxiety, you are not weak. You are human. Your mind is wired to protect your connection to others. The answer is not to silence that fear through force. It is to understand where it comes from, and to create a sport culture where athletes feel safe, supported, and valued beyond what they produce.
References:
Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.
Mesagno, C., Marchant, D., & Morris, T. (2008). A pre-performance routine to alleviate choking in “choking-susceptible” athletes. The Sport Psychologist, 22(4), 439–457.
Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self‐compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28–44.
Keegan, R. J., Spray, C. M., Harwood, C. G., & Lavallee, D. E. (2010). The motivational atmosphere in youth sport: Coach, parent, and peer influences on motivation in specializing sport participants. Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, 22(1), 87–105.
Gross, M., Moore, Z. E., Gardner, F. L., Wolanin, A., Pess, R., & Marks, D. R. (2018). An empirical examination comparing the mindfulness-acceptance-commitment approach and psychological skills training for the mental health and sport performance of female student athletes. International Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 16(4), 431–451.
